The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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