I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
