So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
