if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
