Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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