Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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