I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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