the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
