Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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