Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize