Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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