I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
