We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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