What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
