would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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