and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
