ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
