He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
