So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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