i was born a porn star she said
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize