woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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