He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
