OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
