Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize