Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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