i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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