If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can vaginas get frostbite?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
