So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
