it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize