Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
