Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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