The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
