It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
