that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
