The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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