when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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