i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
