I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize