Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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