We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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