Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
