I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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