a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
