I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Welp...herpes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize