Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
