sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
