i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
