I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
