playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
