Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
