I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
