so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need a beard to bite.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
