Your tits are I can't wait for
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
