that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
