that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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