How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
