Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
