They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
