i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
