Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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