just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
