new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize