I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
God I need to hump something, right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
