I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
