so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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