When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
