Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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