I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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