You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
