my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
